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Dad, Moms, Parents

Remember: Your Daughter Isn't the Enemy

Have you ever had a bad haircut? Like the one where you wanted to hibernate for a season so that no one can see the mess that was made? Well, I can remember one that feels like it happened yesterday. And it wasn’t my hair that was cut. This happened when my oldest daughter was convinced she wanted a certain haircut and it did NOT look good (OUCH, I know). 

My daughter was in the 6th grade, and she had convinced herself that she could rock a particular hairstyle. I believe some people can pull off anything, but in my family, we have curly hair and one drop of water or humidity leaves us looking like we stuck our hand in a light socket. However, my daughter was convinced. She begged and pleaded, so my husband and I looked at each other and said, “I guess she will learn the hard way.” 

I wish I could tell you that we walked out of the salon saying, “Wow, that looks amazing!” But that was not our reality. The lady did exactly what we asked her to do, but my daughter’s hair wasn’t created for that hairstyle. As soon as we walked outside and humidity hit, the bigger it got and the more it looked like a mullet. (Spoiler: That wasn’t what she was going for!) She was devastated and cried and cried, and I couldn’t help but laugh (under my breath of course). She is now almost 23 and we still laugh about it today—and yes, she still resists haircuts.

When I think about that day and all the tears that followed, I am reminded of how Satan works. He desires to put us at odds with our girls in order to create them as some type of enemy in our lives who is out to embarrass, defy, and hurt us. Satan would love nothing more than for you to mistake the real enemy (him!) with your precious daughter

Let me say this again: We have an enemy and it’s not our daughters. Satan wants us to see the imperfections and the flaws of our daughters as weapons against us. As a mom, I had to fight against the guilt of letting her get that haircut. I mean what would people think of my parenting? But that’s how the enemy begins his work to divide and destroy families. If he can get you to doubt and fuel you with anger as a parent, he is achieving the first steps of his divisive plan to harm your family. 

We must also remember that Satan is working nonstop to distract our daughters from becoming the girls they are created to be. This is important to remember when your daughter suddenly has a dip in her grades, or has boyfriend problems, or no longer wants to go to church. Because we love our girls and want the best for them, we often push them really hard to be better and do better. Yet while we should encourage them to strive to be more like Christ, we can’t forget that the Lord loves them way more than we ever could and we have to trust Him to work regardless of their circumstances and choices.

If you are like me, you spend a lot of time praying over their thoughts, actions, and hearts. Do they sometimes disappoint me? YES. Do they bring home straight A’s? NO. Do they get on my nerves sometimes? Ummm, YES. But honestly, I see God using imperfections to mold, make new, pursue and capture their hearts, and trust over and over again.

Psalm 33:15 gave me hope and I know it will for you too.  It says: 

“He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.”

The Hebrew word rendered “fashion” is that used of a potter who molds clay. Let that sit for a minute. The God of the universe allows but does not cause the bad grades, boy drama, bad haircuts or sassy mouth moments fashioned. But even in those messy moments, He continues to mold our girls to be warriors for the kingdom. He sees beauty and bravery and He chose YOU to be that girl’s parent. I fail at seeing that sometimes and, trust me, I beat myself up often. But I believe these three things can help you see your daughter in a whole new way.

1. She isn’t perfect.

The Bible clearly says we aren’t perfect. But, we have hope found in 2 Corinthians 12:9. “And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 

It’s okay that your daughter isn’t perfect. God is, and that’s enough. Therefore, let’s celebrate the small wins and walk beside them even when things don’t go as planned. Discipline, yes, but show grace even more.

2. You aren’t perfect.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). The reality is that none of us really have it all together and just like God is not finished with your daughter, He is not finished with you. Talk to your daughter about the mistakes you made, and own up to those mistakes. If they can’t talk to you about their perceived failures then who will they talk to?

You are a sinner saved by grace and that alone is the springboard for deeper conversations and opportunities to show them who Jesus is.  Ask the hard questions and then forgive. Say the words “I’m sorry” and let God use those weak moments to create a mighty movement in not only her heart but your own. Out of those moments a sweeter intimacy between the two will come. 

3. God is perfect.

We have the unique opportunity to serve our daughters, help our daughters, and lead our daughters to the feet of Jesus day in and day out. When we see God clearly, we see our daughters differently. Psalm 18:30 is such a beautiful reminder. “As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.”

God’s love is pure, and when we allow Him to redeem those areas of our weaknesses and also surrender our sweet girls to Him, something holy happens. We are able to hide behind the cross and authentically be the women and girls He created us to be.

We don’t have to be perfect. We serve a God that is. The enemy would love nothing more than for you to fight with and against your daughter. Instead let’s fight for them with Jesus in our corner. God sees you, parents, and He will use you.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.


Holly Myers is a passionate, energetic, and relatable woman that strives to minister specifically to girls and women. When Holly surrendered to God’s grace, her past ultimately drew her closer to her Creator and allowed her to experience freedom. Because Christ set Holly free from the bondage she was in, she recognized a calling to speak to other girls and women that may share her same story. Holly is passionate about seeing freedom in the lives of every girl and woman. Connect with Holly: Instagram // Website