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High School, Middle School

Hey Girl, You are Not a Failure

“Failure” defined by Merriam-Webster is this: “lack of success” or “the omission of expected or required action.”

Have you heard this phrase? “I feel like a failure.”

She fails a test. She gets cut from a team. She loses a friend. She messes up big time at home.

As leaders, teachers, and mentors, it is often hard to lead girls through seasons of perceived failures. There are a few things that I believe can help you come alongside your girls and give them hope — because we all know that middle and high school girls can make a mountain out of a molehill. No matter what the situation is or isn’t, it is real to them, so we have to meet them in the midst of their messes. That way, they can get back up and continue their walk with Christ, becoming the person God has called and created them to be. As we whisper the truth, “You are Not a Failure, let’s remind them of these three things:

1. Own The Mess

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”1 John 1:9My youngest daughter Rachel always loved playing in my makeup. I would walk into her room, and there would be makeup all over her face. I would ask her who was playing in my makeup, and she would look at me with makeup all over her face and say, “not me.” I would then show her a mirror, and suddenly the tears would flow and she would apologize. I had to explain that I wasn’t angry with her. I just wanted to know where it was. I believe the power behind the mirror allowed her to see clearly the lies she was believing. It’s so easy for girls to believe the lie that their failures must indicate God can no longer use them. We have to remind them that it’s not true. By helping your girls understand how to own the mistakes that they will make, God will set them free from the lie that failure is who they really are.

2. Surrender The Mess

Surrender is a hard word to swallow because it calls us to let go of all control. When I think about the encounter between Jesus and the woman at the well, I am so encouraged by her surrender. “Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?’ They came out of the town and made their way toward him.“ —John 4:28-30SHE LEFT WHAT SHE CAME FOR. That jar represented a lot of things. Water for living, a reminder of isolation and lack of community, and also a reminder that she was living in sin. We must teach our girls that surrender isn’t a sign of weakness but a mark of deeper intimacy with Jesus. Let us teach them how it also ignites FREEDOM and challenges them to walk away from the things (and sins) that have been holding them back. Surrender sets us up for others to get a glimpse of Jesus. When the woman ran back into the city, she didn’t come back alone. “They came out of the town and made their way toward him” (v. 30).

3. Share Your Mess

“Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in Him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I ever did.'”—John 4:39Freedom comes from letting go. Sharing our stories (and our messes) starts with allowing Jesus in. Then we can invite others in so that our stories of redemption point back to Him. I love this verse because it says MANY believed because of her testimony. Ladies, we have so many girls sitting within our reach that are hiding their stories because they are so afraid of what others may think. They hide in the darkness and I can only imagine how much time they dwell in defeat. I believe we must reach into the darkness and help them as they own and surrender their messes, then we must come alongside them as they share their messes. This woman at the well started revival in her city. I truly believe we are on the brink of a mighty awakening, and y’all, I believe our girls can lead the way.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™


Holly Myers is a passionate, energetic, and relatable woman that strives to minister specifically to girls and women. When Holly surrendered to God’s grace, her past ultimately drew her closer to her Creator and allowed her to experience freedom. Because Christ set Holly free from the bondage she was in, she recognized a calling to speak to other girls and women that may share her same story. Holly is passionate about seeing freedom in the lives of every girl and woman. Connect with Holly: Instagram // Website