“I just don’t know if I’m saved. I’m not sure I meant it before.”
“How can I know that God is real?”
“When I pray, it just feels like He’s not even there. I’m starting to wonder if He even hears me.”
Doubt is a huge part of my story. As someone who grew up in the church, I had several moments in my life that I thought were “the moment” I was saved. I wrestled with doubt over my salvation and not believing God actually loved me until I was 25-years-old. God used my doubts for a reason: through them, He showed me that I did not have a relationship with Him like I thought I did.
I tried dealing with my doubt alone. It was in the isolation that the enemy attacked me and had me question everything I thought I knew. It was scary to let people into my struggle and say things out loud that I had only ever thought of. But eventually, it was there that I found freedom. I confided in a few trusted people in my life and they helped me walk through my doubts. They listened, asked honest questions, prayed with and for me. They didn’t judge but constantly met me with measures of grace. They pointed me to Jesus and back to the truth of His word, these things anchoring me when my doubts waged war within me.
Walking alongside girls in student ministry, I see now that my struggle weren't rare. I have had countless conversations with girls about their doubts: not knowing if they’re really saved, struggling to believe if God exists, questioning whether their prayers are heard by Him.
Sometimes they question if their salvation was true because it happened when they were young. They fear that they might not have meant what they said back then, so they struggle to know if it’s true now. Their foundation seems to have been ripped out from under them and they are stranded at sea, feeling alone and helpless and don’t know how to find the truth.
Doubt can rear its ugly head in a multitude of ways and you may feel unequipped to help your girls through this, but the truth is this: if you are a follower of Jesus and He’s brought you this student with doubts, He will equip you to walk her through this. It can feel extremely overwhelming, but God will use you in this if you let Him. Here are some things to keep in mind as you’re walking with your student through her doubts:
1. Don’t freak out when there is doubt.
Doubt feels extremely isolating and it’s likely that your student feels alone in this. Internally, she may be freaking out. She may feel like it’s hard to explain and doesn’t understand why she feels this way. Her feeling like it is the end of the world may cause some commotion in your own spirit as well. In those moments, don’t freak out! Doubts do not mean doom and destruction, but are to be evaluated and wrestled with.
Help her to know that this is not an uncommon problem and she is not alone in this. The enemy wants her to feel that she is alone and has to suffer through this by herself. Assure her that you are here to listen to her. You are there not to solve all of her problems, but to point her to Jesus and to the truth when it is hard for her to see it for herself.
The good news is, you don’t have to have the same experience as she does to help her. God knows her heart, what she needs to hear, and He’s allowing you to be the one to remind her of His truth. You can say a bunch of things that sound good, but if it is not rooted in Scripture, none of your words are going to anchor her in the dark moments of doubt.
2. Help to discern what is the root of the issue.
Doubt is a tool the enemy uses to blind us with confusion. The lines can be so blurred in these moments and your student may not know how to voice exactly what she is struggling with. This is where you can help her by asking honest questions. Help her to put into words these big feelings that she has.
There are many facets of doubt, so it is helpful to help her dig to find out what exactly is the root of the problem. Is she struggling to remember a time she got saved, or struggling to believe that was her moment of salvation? Does she doubt that God is a real person, or that part of His character is not true? Does she question the authority of the Bible or the reality of Jesus’ life? Scripture will help you to navigate this.
If she’s struggling with knowing and believing God is good, it may be helpful to point her to Hebrews - “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8 CSB), or to the Psalm that says that even when our souls are troubled, we can put our hope in God (Psalm 42:5 CSB).
If she’s struggling with knowing she is saved, point her to the Scriptures that talk about Jesus’ death and resurrection. Show her in scripture why we need a Savior. Show her Romans 10:9 that says “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” God does not lie and because of that truth, we can all have peace in knowing that if we have believed and confessed, He WILL save us.
If she is struggling with believing that God is real, direct her to the story of the father in Mark 9 that confessed to Jesus “I do believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24 CSB). The father in this story did not know everything about Jesus and how He could heal his son, but he was honest with the Lord that while he didn’t entirely understand, he still believed. God does not require us to understand all of the ins and outs of faith to go to Him—He just calls us to trust.
It’s important to remind your student that in Christ, “we are able to approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16 CSB). Encourage her to bring all of her questions, doubts, concerns, misunderstandings, confusion, etc., to the feet of Jesus. He meets us there with the answers that we can never find in ourselves.
3. Help her remember the seed of her faith and point her back to the Truth.
Why did she ever start believing in the first place? Or why did she start saying she believed? Was it because this is how she grew up, what she was always told, or what she felt was true?
It’s okay for her to admit that right now she’s struggling because this is what she was brought up knowing and never questioned. Wrestling with our faith can help make us stronger in our faith. Even if it was just her default belief, press into that and based on what she knows about God, the Bible, or salvation, is this something she believes for herself? If she doesn’t, why not? What challenges does she face in believing?
If she doesn’t know that she knows Jesus, try to ask her to point out a time that she made a confession of faith. Has her life changed since that moment? Has anything within her changed? Can she see evidence that her heart has been changed, that she has more peace, joy, or love since before? Can the fruit of the Spirit be seen in her life and in her heart?
If your student does have a peace in her heart that, while she has questions, she knows that she is secure in Christ, remind her of this truth in Galatians - “For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1 CSB). God’s heart in saving her was not to be bound by doubt, but to live abundantly as Jesus promised (John 10:10 CSB).
This may be something you have to walk her through for a season. You may need to ask a lot of questions, pray, and dive into the Scriptures with her about this. But don’t give up! Be encouraged that while you are in the trenches with her, you have a good Savior that will help you both every step of the way.
4. Be constant in prayer, consistent in follow up.
When someone trusts us enough to come with their doubts, it’s imperative that we pray for them often. They are fighting an ongoing battle in their mind and heart and need others to pray on their behalf. We must encourage our girls to be talking to God on their own and be praying about their doubt, but similar to Aaron and Hur holding up the arms of Moses in the midst of the Israelites’ battle with the Amalekites, we need people to help hold us steady when we start to waiver in our time of doubt (Exodus 17:11-13, CSB).
Doubt and uncertainty tends to be a sensitive subject matter and breeds high emotions. Remind your student that her emotions, while valid and important, are not the truth. Emotions change rapidly and we cannot base our relationship with God on them. She may be back and forth with her feelings and doubts, but when this happens, it’s important to remind her that we can’t rely on feelings; faith is not our feelings. Faith is described as “complete trust” in something or someone. "faith."1
And despite the midst of life’s busyness and demands, don’t forget to follow up with your doubting girl. Ask her about her doubts: if she’s still wrestling, praying, digging into scripture, if the Lord is speaking, etc. Don’t be afraid to bring it up for fear that she doesn’t want to talk about it. You are entrusted with her and God’s got you!
Autumn Bogucki lives in Texas and has a passion for teen girls to know who they are in Christ, how deeply loved they are by Him, and for them to be faithful followers of God. She has worked and served in the student ministry world over the past few years! In her free time, she loves being with her friends, family, little nieces and nephew, baking bread, reading or writing, and with her sweet dog, Sadie.
1: Merriam-Webster.com. 2024. https://www.merriam-webster.com (3 May 2024).