I’m a pretty laid-back person, so if you would have asked me a year ago if I had control issues, I would have said no. But oh my, 2020 revealed a lot! I think back to the spring of 2020 and I was greeted with the daily reminder that I indeed had control issues. So many things felt out of control—my job, my son’s school schedule, finances and life in general.
Have you found yourself there? Wanting to hold on to “normal” or comfortable only to feel like it’s all slipping from your grasp? That experience can be scary but it can also be very freeing when you actually let go. Because that’s when you realize you were never in control.
And it’s one thing to think about control in our own lives, but our need for control becomes even more evident in our interactions with others and girls we lead. I didn’t think I had control issues because I was “just trying to help.”
I want to take a moment to encourage you to lean into Jesus and surrender the need for control. Trying to control others makes us weary and there’s only one solution for your weary heart—Jesus. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). We become weary and burdened when we are trying to control things that are not ours to control.
You can’t control if your small group girls show up, text back, or ghost you for months. But you can surrender the need to strive for the “perfect” small group and embrace the highs and lows of being a group leader. Remember that you are using your gift to serve, even if it doesn’t always look glamorous.
“Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God” (1 Pet. 4:10).
You can’t control it if “only” one girl from your group shows up to church. But you can surrender the idea that you need a large group for the time spent to be effective and be grateful for the one on one time with her. When you begin to feel discouraged, remember that you have honoring 1 Thessalonians 5:11 when you meet with one girl or ten.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing” ( 1 Thess. 5:11).
You can’t control it if your girls showed up but didn’t complete their daily Bible study. But you can surrender the desire to see a checklist completed and pray for her to have an increased desire to study God’s Word. Instead of letting her actions frustrate you, pray Ephesians 1:18 for her.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you may know what is the hope of his calling, what is the wealth of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the mighty working of his strength” (Eph. 1:18).
What would it look like for you to ask God to reveal areas where you’re struggling with control? Take this week to be praying for the courage to surrender and release control in all areas of your life. Control is a burden you were never meant to carry; His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:30). When you’re following Jesus, your assignment is to follow, not to lead. There are so many things that are out of our control and if we’re honest, we never really are in control.
God has always been better at being God than we are, and He always will be. Surrender is such a sweet place to be!
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
Nikki Tigg is an MTSU grad and currently lives in Murfreesboro, TN with her husband and son. She felt called to serve in High School Ministry in 2012 and led co-ed and girls groups. She has been Student Ministry Associate at New Vision Baptist Church since July 2017. Nikki has a passion for helping girls understand their identity in Christ and loves connecting with students, parents and leaders. She loves spending time with her family, decorating and enjoys an active lifestyle. Connect with Nikki: Instagram